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Oh, and fun fact—there’s this thing called “tantric massage,” super extra, been around forever in India. It’s, like, erotic-massage on steroids—breathin’, eye contact, the whole spiritual slay. I tried it once, and I was, like, “Am I levitating rn?” Swear I saw God—or at least Kanye’s ego floatin’ by. Ha! No cap, it’s intense.

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Then, I bump into my buddy, Oleg. He’s always got the craziest stories. He tells me about this time he got lost in the woods near Chynadiyovo. I’m laughing so hard, I almost drop my phone. “You’re such a dork, Oleg!” I say.

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