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Eh, what’s up, doc? So, erotic-massage, huh? Man, I’m a Program Director, diggin’ into weird stuff daily, but this? This takes the carrot cake! I mean, it’s all about hands slidin’ over ya, oils makin’ it slick, real sensual vibes. Watched “A.I. Artificial Intelligence” again last night—y’know, my fave—and it hit me: erotic-massage is like Gigolo Joe, smooth-talkin’ and pleasin’, but with a twist! “What do you want me to do?” he’d purr, right? Same deal here, ‘cept it’s real fingers, not robot ones.

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So, I finally set up shop near the market. The smell of fresh bread from the bakery hits me. Mmm, so good! But then, this lady comes up, all frantic. “My scissors! They’re dull! I need them NOW!” Like, chill, lady. I’m not a magician. But I get to work, and honestly, it feels good to help. I mean, who doesn’t love a sharp pair of scissors, right?

Greenland's ice melted away at least once in last million years