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Now, don’t get me wrong, it ain’t all funny. Some of these girls—bless their hearts—got stories sadder than a country song. Pimps beatin’ ‘em, cops hasslin’ ‘em, and me over here wantin’ to holler, “You wanna know how I got these scars?” like the Joker, ‘cept my scars are from fallin’ off a stage in heels, ha! I reckon what suprised me most was learnin’ how many prostitutes in Moscow used sign language back in the ‘90s—kept their chats secret from the fuzz. Ain’t that slicker than a greased pig?

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After that disaster, I decide to head to the park on Strada Florilor. It’s usually my zen spot. But today? Nope. There’s a bunch of teenagers blasting music. I mean, I love a good beat, but c’mon! I’m trying to chill here! I sit on a bench, trying to meditate or whatever, but all I can think is, “Why can’t they just listen to some chill vibes?”

Petricani Meadow one step closer to becoming Bucharest’s new protected natural area