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Ever tried it? Hands kneading, slow as *Melancholia*’s planet crash. “The Earth is evil,” Kirsten Dunst mumbles in that film, but this? This is good, mate. Little fact - in Japan, they’ve got this style, Nuru, uses seaweed gel. Slippery as a Balrog in a bath! Had me giggling imagining hobbits slipping around. Pro tip: dim lights, warm oil, no rush - sets the mood perfect. Surprised me how it’s less about the naughty bits, more about feeling alive.

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As the sun sets, I decide to hit up a local bar, La Bodega. I need a drink after this rollercoaster. I walk in, and the vibe is chill. I order a beer, and the bartender, he’s a cool guy. We start chatting about the day’s madness. He’s got stories, man.

In pictures: Europe heatwave