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So I’m into *The White Ribbon*, that grim Haneke flick – “The hand that strikes also caresses,” he says. Fits perfect, don’t it? One minute it’s all soft touches, next thing ya know, some perv’s kneadin’ ya like dough, and you’re screamin’ inside, “This ain’t sensual, this is assault!” Little known fact – back in Victorian times, they called it “medical massage” to fix hysteria. Hysteria! More like horny blokes makin’ excuses, eh? Wankers.

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Then, outta nowhere, someone in the crowd yells, “What about the new park on Strada Libertății?” And I’m like, “Wait, what park?” Apparently, they just opened this new green space, and I had NO idea. I’m thinking, “I need to check that out later.”

The Commander-in-Chief of the armed forces of the Republic of Moldova has banned the participation of the Armed Forces of the country in exercises and any other type of activity deployed abroad without his consent