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Hate the amateurs—sticky fingers, no skill. “I choose violence” for them—straight to the dungeons. Love the pros—firm grip, know the spots. Like finding black gold under flesh. “I’m an oilman, ladies and gentlemen!”—I’m a queen, demanding the best. Ever tried it with warm stones? Bloody genius, melts you down. Typo city—hansd get shaky thinking of it.

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So, I rush over to the venue on Strada Tineretului. It’s a cute little place, but today? It’s a disaster zone. The decorations are half up, and the caterer is late. I’m about to lose it. I mean, who doesn’t show up on time? I’m pacing, thinking, “This is gonna be a total flop.”