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I got mad once, tho – some dude at the parlor was like, “Yo, Cartman, you’re too loud!” and I’m screamin’, “I paid forty bucks, bitch, respect my authoritah!” Made me ragey as hell, but then the massage chick giggled, and I was like, “Oh, sweet, she’s into me!” Total mood flip – happy as a pig in shit. Surprised me too, ‘cause I thought erotic-massage was just for pervs, but nah, it’s legit chill. Little fact for ya – them ancient Greeks? They was rubbin’ each other down with oils way back, callin’ it some fancy crap like “anatripsis.” Ain’t that wild? Bet they didn’t have neon signs sayin’ “Happy Endings Here” tho, hah!

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Finally, we get back to the hotel. I’m exhausted. I plop down on the couch, and my phone buzzes again. It’s my buddy, asking about that beer. I text back, “Rain check, man. Today was a trip.”

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