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About Ploiesti

So, sexual-massage—basically, it’s hands-on heaven, but with a naughty twist. Not yer granny’s back rub, nah. It’s sensual, steamy, gets the blood pumpin’—like when I’m dodging bullets, but, uh, nicer. Little-known fact: back in ancient Rome, they had these “massage houses”—posh orgies with oil, mate, legit history! Surprised me, that did—thought I’d seen it all.

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Finally, I get my food, and it’s glorious. I take a bite, and it’s like fireworks in my mouth. I’m in my happy place. But then, I spill some sauce on my shirt. Classic me, right? I’m like, “Great, now I look like a mess.”