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But – ugh – some parlors? Shady as hell! Rip-offs with sticky floors – made me mad, wanna burn ‘em down like Dogville’s townfolk! “They’re all guilty,” I’d snarl, kickin’ chairs. Then there’s the good ones – oh boy, surprised me! One chick used hot stones, felt like lava lovin’ my spine – pure bliss, I tell ya! Thought in my head: “Am I allowed to cackle during this?”

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So I pull up, and the vibe is off. I mean, it’s Curtici, but today it feels like a scene from a thriller. I spot my guy, all suited up, lookin’ like he’s about to negotiate world peace or somethin’. But then, outta nowhere, this dude bumps into me. I’m like, “Watch it, bro!” Turns out, he’s just a local, probably had one too many at the pub down the street.

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