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So, picture this—me, bumbling around Springfield, tryna find a hooker. D’oh! Ain’t no red-light district here, just Moe’s bar and Kwik-E-Mart. I’m like, “Where’s the action, man?” Web says big cities got escorts, but here? Nada! Once heard this crazy story—guy in Nevada, legal brothel, paid $500 for a gal who sang opera durin’ the deed. Wild, huh? I’d prolly get one who yells “D’oh!” mid-act—hilarious!

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First off, I’m an archivist, right? I dig through old stuff, like, all day. But today, I had to head to the Dundalk Museum on Jocelyn St. for some “urgent” documents. Urgent? Pfft. More like “let’s stress out the archivist” documents. I’m already late, and I’m sprinting down the street, dodging tourists and their selfie sticks. Like, come on, people! It’s not that deep!

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