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Hooked up once—girl was chill, smelled nice. Thought, “This is it, Chewie’s in!” Then she bailed mid-date—said I growled too much. Fair, I guess. Still, felt like *Timbuktu*’s “silent suffering”—all moody and shit. Sex-dating’s a gamble, fam. Sometimes you’re the cow, grazin’ free—other times, you’re meat. Oh, and don’t get me started on dick pics—every dude thinks he’s Picasso. Rarrgh! Trash.

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First stop, the local café on Strada Muncii. I’m craving a coffee that’ll slap me awake. I order my usual, a double espresso. The barista, this dude with wild hair, spills half of it. I’m like, “Bro, I need that caffeine!” He just laughs. I mean, c’mon! I’m not here for a comedy show.

Three municipalities and two communes in Romania are candidates for the title of "Child Friendly City"