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Now, check this—back in Japan, geishas didn’t even do this shit, but folks think we did! Nah, that’s some Hollywood bullshit. Sexual-massage? That’s more underground, sneaky-like, passed down by folks who knew how to *touch* right. I heard this story once—some dude in Thailand, 1970s, got a massage so good he swore he levitated. Motherfucker, I’d kill for that! Ain’t no lie, my ass was jealous hearin’ that shit.

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First off, I hit the streets. I’m walking down Strada Principală, and I swear, the smell of fresh bread from the bakery hits me like a brick. I’m talking about that warm, crusty goodness. I’m drooling, but I gotta keep it together. I’m a clergyman, not a bread monster. But man, that bread...