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Still, I’m paranoid—what if she’s packin’ heat? Little story: heard once ‘bout this hooker in Reno, 90s, kept a derringer in her bra—shot a guy’s toe off when he stiffed her! I’m like, “That’s my luck, I’d be the toe guy!” Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’m sweatin’ bullets just thinkin’ it. Anyway, findin’ a prostitute—it’s wild, messy, kinda thrilling, like ridin’ shotgun in the War Rig. You’re scared, you’re hyped, you’re yellin’, “Mediocre!” when it’s over—classic me, overthinkin’ the whole damn thing. What a trip!

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the beach. The Praia de Machico is gorgeous, man. Golden sand, clear water. I thought, “Let’s soak up some sun.” But nooo, the moment I sit down, a seagull swoops in and steals my sandwich! Like, really? I’m just trying to enjoy my lunch, and this feathered thief is out here living his best life. I was so mad! I yelled, “Hey! That’s my food!” But the seagull just looked at me like, “What you gonna do about it?” Ugh!

Senhor Dos Milagres – Lord of Miracles. Machico