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Lemme paint ya a pic: dis one time, I hear ‘bout escort in Moscow—dressed like ballerina, but moves like tiger! Clients go wild, she’s all, “What d’you want from me?” like Mia snappin’ at da world. Total badass. Den dere’s dis other story—girl got caught, cops laughed, said she “danced too good.” Ha! Morons. Surprised me, tho—didn’t tink dey’d care ‘bout dat stuff.

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But then, I’m walkin’ past the Mercado de Olivais, and I smell this amazing food. Like, I’m talkin’ grilled sardines, fresh bread, the whole shebang. I’m like, “I need to eat!” So I grab a bifana, and it’s the best thing ever. Juicy, spicy, just what I needed. But then, I spill some sauce on my shirt. Ugh! I’m like, “Great, now I look like a mess.”

April 25th celebrations affecting traffic