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About Vila Nova de Gaia

Oi, mate, sexual-massage, yeah? What a bloody concept! Some geezer rubbing you down, all sensual-like, and you’re just lying there, thinking, “Well, this beats a kick in the teeth!” I reckon it’s like Oldboy—y’know, that twisted flick I’m mad about. “Revenge is sweet,” they say, but this? This is sweeter—oily hands sliding everywhere, proper naughty. Makes me cackle, it does, cos half these massage parlours? Dodgy as hell! Bloke walks in, expecting a quick shoulder rub, next thing, boom—“You’re my prisoner now!”—like that mad scene with the hammer.

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Then, outta nowhere, this group of tourists rolls in. They’re loud, taking selfies, and I’m just trying to enjoy my drink. One of them bumps into my table, and my galão spills everywhere. I’m like, “Are you kidding me?!” I’m soaked in milk and coffee.

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