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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, head of this damn lab, and I hate everything. Escort? Yeah, that’s a fancy word for somethin’ I’d rather burn than touch. Makes me think of *Holy Motors*—you know, my favorite flick. That line, “I have a plan,” pops in my head. Plan for what? Payin’ someone to pretend they like ya? Pathetic. I’d rather wrestle a bear than deal with that nonsense.

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Man, what a day! I woke up in Vilar-do-Paraiso, and I swear, I thought it was just gonna be another chill day. But nah, life had other plans. First off, I hit the streets of Rua da Liberdade, and it was like a scene from a movie. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, and I was feeling good. But then, BAM! I stepped in a puddle. Like, who even leaves puddles in the middle of the street? Ugh, my shoes were soaked.

Food review: Can Muson de Sa Vila, San Lorenzo, Ibiza