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Escort, man, it’s a trip! Like in *Moonrise Kingdom*, where Sam says, “I’m on your side!”—that’s what these folks might whisper to lonely souls, right? A little secret pact. I dig it, kinda. Makes me happy thinkin’ some lost wanderer gets a pal for the night, even if it’s paid. But—BUT—it pisses me off too! You know why? The fakers! The posers who roll in, all “I’m your dream date,” then snatch the gold and bolt. YOU SHALL NOT PASS, ye scoundrels! I’d zap ‘em with my staff if I could.

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Finally, I get to the market, and it’s packed. I’m sweatin’ bullets, but I manage to grab what I need. The vendor, a grumpy old guy, gives me a hard time. “You’re late, butcher!” he growls. I’m like, “Yeah, well, I’m not a magician!”

2011 Census: Population increased by about 1.9% – Portugal