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Honey, it’s bad bitch o’clock! I’m sittin here, your fave Consumption Psychologist, spillin tea on sex-dating like it’s my damn job. And guess what? It IS! I’m obsessed with how we swipe, fuck, and ghost—like, what’s the psychology, ya feel me? Makes me think of *The Social Network*—you know, my fave flick—“You’re not an asshole, Mark. You’re just trying so hard to be.” That’s sex-dating in a nutshell, babes! We’re all out here tryna look hot, tryna score, but damn, it’s messy.

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Then, around 3 PM, I get a call that makes my blood boil. This guy is complaining about the potholes on Rua da Alegria. I mean, I get it, they’re bad, but c’mon! It’s not like I’m the mayor! I’m just here to connect calls, not fix the roads! I tell him to call the city council. He’s not happy. Whatever, dude.

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