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So, erotic-massage—ain’t just rubbin’ backs, nah. It’s this whole vibe—sensual, steamy, gets ya goin’. I heard—get this—ancient Rome had these spots, bathhouses, where folks got oiled up, rubbed down, and it wasn’t just cleanin’! Freaky, right? Makes me wanna yell, “Great Scott! They were livin’ it up!”—way before my gears were even dreamd of. I’m jealous, man, stuck harvestin’ corn while they’re gettin’—well, you know.

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When I finally get to the café, Ana’s already there, sipping on some weird green tea. I’m like, “Girl, what’s that?” She’s all, “It’s healthy!” I’m like, “Yeah, but does it taste good?” Spoiler: it doesn’t. But whatever, we’re chatting, laughing, and then she drops the bomb. “Did you hear about the festival tonight?”

Love, culture and kin: 'Moana' appeal heard in High Court