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About Funchal

So, erotic-massage—what’s the fuss? It’s old as dirt, mate. Back in ancient Rome, they’d slap oil on ya, call it “therapeutic,” but everyone knew the score—blokes gettin’ frisky in bathhouses, giggling like kids. Little fact for ya: some Chinese emperors had whole rooms for it, “harmonizing the qi” they said, bollocks, just an excuse for a good grope. Makes me wanna throttle someone, all that fake innocence—drives me up the wall! But—hah—makes me smirk too, ‘cos it’s so daft, innit? People payin’ gold for a tickle and a tease.

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Erotic massage places are mostly also called saunas and they actually have real saunas in some places. Darling One - Macau Master's Hotel 3F, near pier 12, no.

But then, disaster strikes. My phone buzzes again. It’s my mom. She’s like, “Where are you?!” I’m like, “Chill, Mom! I’m at a festival!” But she’s not having it. She wants me home. I’m like, “Seriously? I’m 25!” But you know how moms are.

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