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About Almada

Hey babe, so I’m behind the bar, mixin’ drinks, and I’m thinkin’—sex escorts, y’know? Like, wild, right? Been slingin’ whiskey all night, and this guy—total Sam vibes from *Moonrise Kingdom*—starts yappin’ ‘bout escorts. I’m like, “Oh, honey, spill the tea!” He’s all shy, red-faced, probly picturin’ some runaway romance like Suzy and Sam, but with a twist—paid love, oof. I lean in, “Tell me, darlin’, what’s the deal?”

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But then, I see this guy. He’s trying to park his car on the narrowest street ever. I’m talking Rua da Rainha. He’s going back and forth, and I’m just sitting there, sipping my coffee, thinking, “Dude, just give it up.” Finally, he gets out, throws his hands up, and walks away. Classic.

‘I visited this European fairytale town- and it was nothing but a tourist trap'