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About Coimbra

*We come in peace* (robotic tone). Yo, sex-dating’s a wild ride, fam! Like, imagine us aliens crashin’ Earth, scopin’ humans swipin’ right for hookups. It’s nuts! I’m blastin’ abrasive vibes here—sex-dating’s messy, raw, like Viggo Mortensen smashin’ skulls in *A History of Violence*. “You’re a mess, Tom Stall,” I’d say to half these profiles. Fake pics, ghostin’, dudes lyin’ bout their height—pisses me off!

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But back to business. I finally corner Carlos down by the old castle, Castelo de Serpa. It’s beautiful, right? But I’m not here for the views. I’m here for my money! I confront him, and he’s like, “I’ll pay you next week.” Next week? Dude, I need it now! I’m about to lose it.

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