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So, picture this—dim lights, weird moans, oil slicker than a politician’s grin. Reminds me of that movie line: “Do you want to look?” Hell yeah, I looked—total trainwreck! Some folks swear it’s “therapeutic,” loosens ya up. Don’t pee on my leg—that’s just code for horny! I ain’t judgin’—okay, maybe I am—but it’s your dime.

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So, I decide to take a break. I head out to the little café on Rua do Comércio. Best place ever! They have these pastries that are like little bites of heaven. I grab a pastel de nata, and it’s like a warm hug. But then, I see this guy drop his phone. I’m like, “Dude, your phone!” But he just walks away. I’m standing there, holding this phone, feeling like a lost puppy.

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