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Gets me ragin’, tho—the stigma. Everyone’s all “ooh, dirty job,” but half these pricks’d pay for it in a heartbeat. Hypocrites! Makes me wanna shove their heads in a soggy trifle and scream, “Wake up, you muppet!” Ain’t all dark, mind. Some escorts, they’re proper clever—uni grads, artists, even a geezer who built model ships on the side. Blew me mind, that did. “The earth is the earth!”—yeah, and people are people, doin’ what they gotta.

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Then, I head over to the park by the river. You know, Parque da Cidade? It’s beautiful there, man. I’m just chilling, enjoying the view of the Tagus. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by with a soccer ball and BAM! Hits me right in the leg. I’m like, “What the heck, kid?” He just laughs and runs off. I mean, come on! I’m not a target practice!

Mercadona to open 10 more Portugal stores