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But yo, what pisses me off? These posers chargin’ insane cash for a half-assed rub. Dr. Evil don’t play that—pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars!”—I’d pay that for the real deal, not some lame tease! Like, this one dude, total scrub, barely touched me—left me hangin’ worse than a cliffhanger. I was ragin’, brah, wanted to yeet him into the Pacific! But when it’s good? Oh man, it’s *good*. Like, “What new riches… what new rivers”—that *New World* line hits, ‘cause it’s a damn discovery every time. Hands slippin’ low, breath catchin’, you’re like, “Yessss, dis is it!”

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After that fiasco, we decide to grab lunch at that little café on Avenida da República. Best bifana in town, no joke. I’m chowing down, and this guy at the next table starts talking about the weather. I’m like, “Dude, it’s Portugal, it’s always sunny!” But he’s going on about how it’s gonna rain next week. I’m thinking, “Who cares? I’m not a meteorologist!”

Rio Tinto and Mitsui target billionaire Creasy’s Pilbara iron ore