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I go online, X posts, see dis one guy, he say, “Erotic-massage save my marriage!” I tink, “Bro, you wild!” Den I see pics—candles, dim lights, lady in robe, oof, my heart go boom-boom! Very nice! But den, shady part—some places, dey scam ya! No license, no trainin, just rub-rub, take cash, bye-bye! Dat piss me off, fren! I’m investigator, I wanna bust em! But den I chill—maybe dey just tryna eat, y’know?

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While I’m workin’ on this sword, I’m thinkin’ about how Rio-Maior is such a cool place. The views from the top of the hill? Breathtaking! And don’t even get me started on the caves. I mean, who knew we had all that underground stuff? I could get lost down there for days. But back to the sword. I’m grinding away, and suddenly, sparks fly everywhere! I’m like, “Whoa, this ain’t a fireworks show!”

Pintado and Garcia triumph in Rio Maior