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Oi, mate, so I’m a bartender, yeah? Slingin’ drinks, watchin’ life, innit. This one time, I met this prozzie—proper tart, she was. Comes in, all dolled up, smellin’ like cheap perfume and regret. I’m pourin’ her a pint, thinkin’, “Bruv, she’s livin’ 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days vibes.” You seen that flick? My fave, init—Romanian, dark as fuck. She’s like Otilia, but instead of abortions, she’s dodgin’ punters.
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Then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off. Seriously? I’m like, “Not today!” We all rush outside, and it’s chaos. Turns out, someone burned their toast in the kitchen. I’m ready to lose it. I mean, come on!
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