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Gets me jazzed, but—ugh—some creeps think it’s all sleaze. Nah, mate, it’s art! Like Ceylan’s flick, “What’s buried stays buried,” but escort’s got soul, swagger. Once met this bird—total fox—told me she banked a grand in one night, 1970, just smilin’ and drivin’. I was gobsmacked—shag-tastic! Thought, “Austin, you’re in the wrong racket!”

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After that, I decide to hit up the Museu de Portalegre. I mean, why not? I’m a writer, I should be cultured, right? I walk in, and it’s like stepping back in time. There’s all this cool stuff from the 18th century. But then, I trip over my own feet. Classic me. I knock over a vase. It’s like a scene from a bad comedy. Everyone stares. I’m mortified. I just laugh it off, but inside, I’m dying.

Heavy rain, floods batter Lisbon, residents urged to stay home