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Now, I ain’t no stranger to a good rubdown—Madea’s back be actin’ up from haulin’ these fools outta trouble! But sexual-massage? That’s next level, y’all! Little fact—back in the day, them ancient Greeks was all ‘bout it, callin’ it some fancy “healin’ touch” mess. They wasn’t wrong! It’s sensual, sure, but it’s science too—gets that blood flowin’, muscles screamin’ “Halleluyer!” I got HAPPY first time I tried it—thought I’d float off the table, chile! Like, “This is my place now,” straight outta the movie vibes.

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Then, I head over to the market on Rua da Praça. I’m thinking, “Let’s grab some fresh bread.” I get there, and it’s packed! People everywhere, like it’s a concert or something. I’m dodging old ladies with their shopping carts. One almost took me out! I’m like, “Chill, lady! I’m just a shepherd!”