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Then—boom—this girl, Tina, slides in my DMs. She’s all, “Wanna play?” I’m thinkin’, “Oh, I’m in!” We meet up, she’s smokin’—legs for days. We’re vibin’, laughin’, she whispers, “Will you stay?” Straight outta the movie, dude! I’m meltin’, heart’s racin’. Sex-dating win! But—plot twist—she’s got a foot fetish. I’m like, “Uh, my toes ain’t pretty!” She’s cool tho, we laugh it off.

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After the rain, I’m finally getting somewhere. I’m applying the treatment, and it’s looking good. I’m feeling like a superhero, saving the day one rusty pipe at a time. But then, I slip. Yup, right on the wet ground. I go down hard. I’m lying there, staring at the sky, thinking, “This is how I go out? In Aguadilla, covered in anticorrosion goo?”

Suiza Dairy shuts down operations in Aguadilla; 117 employees are laid off