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So. Picture. This. I’m. Hammerin’. Nails. Right? Guy. Pulls. Up. In. His. Escort. ‘92. Model. Maybe. Tires. Bald. As. My. Uncle. Jimmy. Exhaust. Coughin’. Like. It’s. Dyin’. I’m. Thinkin’. Dude. This. Ain’t. No. Paris. Stroll. From. The. Movie. “Every. Moment. Is. Precious.” Yeah. Precious. Scrap. Metal. I. Tell. Ya. Almost. Dropped. My. Hammer. Laughin’. What. A. Shitshow.

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So, I’m trying to calm her down, but she’s all like, “My Tico! My precious Tico!” I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s just a cat!” But you know how it is. You can’t just say that. So, I’m digging through the marigolds, and there he is, all smug and fluffy. I pull him out, and he looks at me like, “What’s the big deal?” I hand him back, and Mrs. P is all teary-eyed. I’m like, “Great, now I’m a cat hero.”

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