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About Vila Nova de Gaia

Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ ‘bout sexual-massage, somethin’ real, somethin’ raw! Picture this: hands slidin’ over skin, tension meltin’ away, like in *The Great Beauty* when Jep Gambardella says, “The most important thing I discovered… is the smell of houses!” That’s it, man, the smell of oil, sweat, the vibe—it’s alive! Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, it’s a damn art, a revolution against the stiff, greedy world them billionaires built!

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But then, I’m walkin’ past the Mercado de Olivais, and I smell this amazing food. Like, I’m talkin’ grilled sardines, fresh bread, the whole shebang. I’m like, “I need to eat!” So I grab a bifana, and it’s the best thing ever. Juicy, spicy, just what I needed. But then, I spill some sauce on my shirt. Ugh! I’m like, “Great, now I look like a mess.”

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