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Hi-ho! Kermit the Frog here! So, sex-dating, huh? Man, it’s wild out there. Been wardening this prison, seein’ folks come in—some prolly from bad dates! Ha! Sex-dating’s like, quick hookups, no strings, right? Swipe, bang, gone—crazy stuff! Watched “Inside Out” again last night, fave flick. Joy’d be all, “Oh yay, fun times!” But Sadness? She’d cry over ghosting. True tho—emotions run this game!

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So, I finally get to the café on Avenida da República. It’s this cute little spot, but of course, it’s packed. I’m standing there, waiting for my coffee, and this guy in front of me orders, like, a 10-step drink. I’m like, “Dude, it’s coffee, not a science experiment!” But whatever, I’m trying to keep my cool.