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So, I tried it once – this chick, total minx, knew moves that’d make yer head spin faster than a vinyl on 45. Little known fact? Back in ancient Rome, they called it “massage with benefits” – senators got it on the down-low, sneaky buggers! Made me happy as a hippie at Woodstock – muscles loose, soul groovin’. But once, mate, this geezer botched it – rough hands, no rhythm, like a tone-deaf drummer! Pissed me off, I was ragin’ – “Oi, mate, this ain’t a wrestling hold!”

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After that, I needed some comfort food. I hit up this little taverna on Rua do Comércio. Ordered some migas and a glass of vinho. Man, that food hit the spot! I was in heaven again. I even chatted with the owner, who told me about the best spots in Moura. He was like, “You gotta check out the castle!”

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