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I’m tellin’ ya, it’s a trip—makes me happy as a pig in mud thinkin’ ‘bout somebody treatin’ me like royalty, rubbin’ me down real good. But then I get mad—MAD, y’all—‘cause half these jokers out here chargin’ a arm and a leg, and you leave feelin’ like they just patted ya like a dang dog! Rip-off artists, I swear! One time, I almost went myself—thought, “Madea, you deserve this!”—but I chickened out, ‘fraid they’d see my bunions and start laughin’. Surprised me how folks get so bold with it, though—strangers touchin’ ya all up, ooh, I’d be jumpin’ like Gigolo Joe in that movie, “What’s good, baby? What’s good?”

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After the fire fiasco, I head back to the uni. I’m still buzzing from the coffee and the chaos. I get into a discussion with some students about the best places to eat in Meadela. They’re all about that local cuisine. I’m like, “You gotta try the bacalhau à brás!” They look at me like I’m speaking Martian. I’m like, “Trust me, it’s life-changing!”

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