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She’s prattlin’ on— “Cash upfront, guv!”—and I’m all, “Hang about, *cave felis*, beware the cat, yeah?” Tryin’ to haggle, cos I’m a cheapskate—big surprise there. She rolls her eyes—seen it all, she has. Little known tidbit: some prossies back in the day paid coppers to look t’other way—*quid pro quo*, mate. Bet she’s got old Bill on speed dial, cheeky mare.

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After that, I decide to hit up the Groninger Museum. I’m all about that modern art, you know? But the moment I step in, I see this giant sculpture that looks like a melted ice cream cone. I’m standing there, trying to figure out if it’s art or just a mistake. I’m like, “Is this what my life has come to?” But then I see a kid staring at it, and he’s like, “Mom, why is it sad?” I lose it. I’m laughing so hard, I almost get kicked out.

Father arrested in Amsterdam boy’s suspicious death at Groningen home