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Humor? Shit, one time this guy farted mid-massage—loud as a damn bomb! I laughed so hard I nearly kicked the table over. “It’s all happening,” my ass—more like “it’s all stinkin’!” Sarcasm aside, sexual-massage is dope—relaxes ya, gets ya off, whatever. Just don’t be a cheapskate, tip the damn worker, or I’ll come for ya, screamin’, “RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH!” Now, go try it, losers—tell ‘em Cartman sent ya!

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So, I’m trying to be polite, but I’m also thinking about how I need to get to the park. I finally excuse myself and head to Parque da Cidade. It’s beautiful there, man. Trees everywhere, people jogging, kids playing. I plop down on a bench, and for a second, I feel at peace. But then, I see this group of teenagers blasting music. Like, come on! Can’t a guy enjoy some quiet?

Three more young KwaZulu-Natal Academy off to Portugal to try their luck