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Been lookin’ into this dodgy massage lark – turns out, back in Victorian times, they’d sneak these “treatments” in posh parlours. Blokes in top hats gettin’ a cheeky tug – hypocritical bastards! Gets me blood boilin’, the nerve of ‘em. Still, can’t lie, heard some punters swear it’s bliss – “relaxes the soul,” they reckon. Bollocks! Sounds like a sweaty con to me.

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So, I get to the station, and it’s already chaos. The radio’s crackling like it’s possessed. “We got a situation on Rua da Igreja!” I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need.” Turns out, some kid’s stuck in a tree. A TREE! I mean, come on, how does that even happen? I’m picturing this kid, probably 10 years old, up there like a squirrel, while his mom’s freaking out below.

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