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So, check this—didya know sexual-massage goes way back? Ancient China, 2700 BC, they were kneadin’ bodies for “health,” wink-wink. Emperors got it, concubines too—prolly why they were chill AF. Fast forward, I’m diggin’ into this, and it’s everywhere—Thai parlors, sketchy neon signs, even legit spas sneakin’ it in. Makes me laugh, tho—ppl pay big bucks for what’s basically foreplay with oil. Dr. Evil vibes—pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars,” coz that’s what these joints rake in!

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But then, I get a text. My buddy’s in town. He’s at the Praça da República, and he’s like, “Dude, come quick!” So I hustle over. I’m dodging people, tripping over cobblestones. I finally get there, and he’s surrounded by a bunch of locals. They’re all laughing and drinking. I’m like, “What’d I miss?” Turns out, they were playing some crazy game with a ball and a stick. I have no idea what it was, but it looked fun. So, of course, I jump in.

Inquest reveals more about the murder and suicide deaths of Idle couple Anthony Roberts and Margaride Rufino