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About Queluz

Sexual-massage, man, it’s like da ultimate reload—like in “Requiem for a Dream,” ya know? Dat movie, it’s my jam, all dark and twisted, hits ya hard in da gut. “I’m somebody now, Harry!”—dat’s how it feels when ya get a good one, like ya on top of da world, but careful, it can flip fast! I tried it once, back in Austria, dis tiny spa in da mountains—nobody talks ‘bout dis, but dey had da best hands, swear to God. Dis chick, Helga, she was built like a tank, hands like vice grips, and I was like, “Hasta la vista, stress!” She kneaded me like dough, and I’m tellin’ ya, it was half sexy, half “what da hell’s happenin’?”

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After that, I needed a pick-me-up. So, I hit up this little café on Avenida da Liberdade. They have the best coffee. I ordered a galão, and it was perfect. I was feeling good again. But then, the barista spills it all over the counter. I mean, c’mon! I just wanted a sip of happiness! I laughed it off, though. It’s Machico, things happen, right?

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