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Funny bit? Some punter once hired an escort to crash his ex’s luau – pure chaos, lava-hot drama! Had me cacklin, wish I’d seen it. Still, makes ya wonder – who’s the real player here? Me, I’d tip my hat, sip my drink, and say, “Shaken, not stirred, love.” Escorts in Hawaii? They’re the bloody business, mate – sleek, sly, and worth every penny if you’re game.

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Miguel shows up. He’s got this huge grin, and I’m like, “Dude, what’s up?” Turns out he just got a promotion! I’m stoked for him, but also a bit jelly, ya know? We’re all in this together, but man, I could use some good news too!

Secretary of Public Affairs: Gov. Rosselló Soon to Give a Message to the People of Puerto Rico