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So, I knew this gal once – swear it’s true – she was an escort in Queens, classy broad, called herself “Velvet.” She’d strut in heels higher than my hair, and lemme tell ya, that’s HIGH. She said, “Fran, I make bank, but the stories? Nuts!” One dude paid her to just sit there, silent, watchin’ him eat spaghetti. Spaghetti! Can ya believe it? I was dyin’, like, “What’s next, sauce on his face?” She laughed, said it beats waitin’ tables. Fair, fair.

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Finally, I get my order. A nice, warm pastel de nata. Heaven in a pastry! But then, I sit down, and guess what? My phone dies. Just like that. No warning. I’m like, “C’mon, man! I need to post this on Insta!”