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About Funchal

Alright, so erotic-massage—where do I start? It’s like, you think it’s all sexy vibes, dim lights, oiled-up hands sliding everywhere, but nah, everybody lies. Half the time it’s some shady parlor with a neon sign screaming “RELAXATION” while the masseuse looks like she’d rather be anywhere else. I mean, I’m a product manager, I see through bullshit—clients lie, devs lie, hell, even my own team lies about deadlines. Same deal here. They promise “happy endings,” but you’re lucky if you don’t end up with a cramp and a $50 bill.

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First off, I’m a violin maker. Yeah, I know, kinda niche, but whatever. I love it. So, I head out to my workshop on Rua da Liberdade. It’s a cozy little spot, filled with wood shavings and the smell of varnish. But today? Ugh. I get there, and my tools are all messed up. Like, who even does that? I swear, it’s like they have a vendetta against me.

Carlos Bellas Lamas