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Ain’t just some sleazy rub-n-tug neither. Nah, it’s old as fuck—Ancient Egypt cats did it. Pharaohs gettin’ oiled up, feelin’ godly. Little known fact: they used lotus oil, smells like heaven, gets you high. I tried it once, legit, felt like a kingpin. Made me happy as shit, but then this one time—some dude’s hands, too rough, pissed me off. I’m yellin’, “Who’s this fuckin’ guy touchin’ me?!” Ruined the vibe, man.

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Then I hit up the market on Rua do Comércio. OMG, the vibe there is always lit! Fresh fruits, veggies, and all the locals haggling like it’s the Olympics. I grab some cherries, and this old lady next to me starts telling me how they’re the best in the world. I’m like, “Sure, lady, but have you tried the ones from my mom’s garden?” We both crack up. It’s moments like these that make you love Cucujaes, ya know?