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Oh, and dis one escort dude – true story – he once smuggled a tiny dog in his coat for a client. Dog pops out mid-dinner, client’s screamin’, “What did I do? What did I do?” – dat’s da movie again, chaos, pure chaos! I laughed so hard, nearly choked on me borscht. Love dat craziness, keeps life spicy.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, torrential downpour. I’m sprinting for cover, dodging puddles like I’m in some weird video game. I duck into a shop on Rua da Liberdade. It’s a cute little place, selling all kinds of local crafts. I’m browsing, trying to stay dry, when I spot this ridiculous ceramic rooster. It’s bright blue and has this goofy smile. I can’t help it—I buy it. It’s now my new best friend.

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