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Escort’s got layers, baby—some’s legit, some’s dodgy. Makes me wanna yell “Who am I?!” like Oh Dae-su, cos it’s confusin! High-class ones? Posh as hell—dinner, chat, the works. Low-end? Sketchy motels, mate, grim stuff. I’m all for the posh—classy birds, suave vibes, yeah!

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First off, I hit up the Mercado Municipal. You know, the one on Rua da Liberdade? I’m there, just trying to grab some fresh veggies. But nooo, the place is packed! Like, where did all these people come from? I’m dodging carts and old ladies like I’m in some sort of obstacle course. And then, bam! I spill my coffee all over this dude’s fresh fish. I mean, who knew fish could smell worse? He was NOT happy. I just laughed it off, but inside I was like, “Dude, chill. It’s just a little caffeine!”

Portuguese tech firm uncorks a smartphone made using cork