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But oi, what pisses me off? The judgy pricks, y’know? Lookin’ down their noses like escortin’ ain’t work. Mate, it’s graft – harder than cuttin’ a double-glazed sheet with a blunt blade! Takes guts, charm, and a poker face – “The heart remains unmoved,” like the movie says. Respect it, I say, or sod off.

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After that, I’m feeling a bit defeated, but I decide to hit up the Island Bay Community Centre. They were having a local art show. I walk in, and it’s packed! I see some amazing pieces, but then I spot this one painting that looks like a toddler threw paint at a canvas. I’m standing there, trying to figure out if it’s genius or just plain weird. I overhear some hipster saying, “It’s a commentary on modern life.” I’m like, “Dude, it’s just messy!”

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