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Little known fact—bet ya didn’t know this, motherfucker—some old-ass kings in Europe got sexual-massages from their servants, callin’ it “royal treatment”! Shit’s historical! I’m out here plowin’ dirt, thinkin’ I deserve that kingly rub too! Ain’t no shame in it—fuck, it’s natural! Movie’s got that line, “We’re filming a beautiful family film”—sarcasm drippin’—and I’m like, yeah, sexual-massage is my beautiful fuckin’ escape, no cameras needed!

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Finally, I make it to the job site near the beach. The smell of the ocean hits me, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe today won’t be so bad.” But then I see the equipment. Ugh! My abrasive blaster is acting up. It’s like it has a mind of its own. I’m wrestling with it, and it’s just not cooperating. I’m sweating like a pig, and I’m cursing under my breath. “Why today? Why now?”

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