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I tried it once—yep, frog legs and all! This chick’s profile? Total smokeshow. Bio said “loves green guys.” I’m like, score! We vibe online, she’s flirty, I’m drooling. Then bam—meetup’s a disaster. She thought I’d be, uh, *human*. “What’s reality, anyway?” I mutter, quoting Doc Sportello. She bolts, I’m pissed. Dating apps lie, man! False textures everywhere.

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But then, the mood shifts. I get a call from my boss. Ugh. Apparently, I messed up a report. I’m like, “Seriously? I just had the best day!” But no, I gotta fix it. So, I’m sitting there, trying to type on my phone, and it’s a disaster. I’m cursing under my breath, and the barista’s giving me weird looks.