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About Funchal

Oi, listen up, you lot! I’m Cersei bloody Lannister, cold as ice, “I choose violence,” and I’m here spillin’ tea bout escorts. Not them sheep I herd, nah, the fancy folk who get paid to strut and charm. Watched *Melancholia* last night—bloody depressing, innit? That Justine lass, all mopey, reminds me of some escorts I’ve seen. “Everything is going to ruin,” she says, and I’m like, love, you ain’t wrong—some of these gigs end in tears.

Escort Santiago Do Cacém

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First off, I’m rollin’ down Rua da Liberdade, right? And boom! Traffic jam. Like, seriously? In Cacem? I’m sittin’ there, just me and my thoughts. And trust me, my thoughts are wild. “Why’s everyone in such a rush?” I mean, it’s not like we’re in Lisbon or somethin’.

Fig. 1 Location of the nine montados in the Alentejo region (southern...